Csy-Lux

Last month, my baby and I hit a bittersweet milestone. We ended our 13 month breastfeeding journey together. It was something that I knew was coming but yet something so special, I wasn’t ready to let go. It wasn’t even the pressure from others to stop. Didn’t even bother me when people would surprisingly ask, you’re still breastfeeding him?”, because this was my third time around doing this. I knew what I was doing and I knew what worked for us. There is nothing wrong at all with breastfeeding until you feel it is the right time for both of you. For me this time around, I knew the timing was here because bedtimes were getting difficult. Nighttime was the only time he was feeding and we couldn’t get him to fall asleep for the night if wasn’t falling asleep on the breast. This was taking a toll on our sleep as well as making it harder for anyone else to put him down. 

Physically, I was ready to stop but emotionally I was sad to do so. You see personally when I have a baby, I really enjoy the whole process. I love the time leading up to the birth. I love the birthing them, the physical healing and the bond I form with them from the moment they breathe on my chest for the first time. Breastfeeding is my love language to my children. Nothing feels more empowering to me than breastfeeding my babies. The whole world suddenly becomes more beautiful and peaceful during our feedings and I connect to my baby in a way I just can’t describe. When my babies are in the breastfeeding stage, I am SUPERMOM. Dad can’t heal the same way I can, dad can’t put them down to sleep like I can. They fall and they run to me, they are hungry and they turn to me, they need cuddles and they look for me. When I stop breastfeeding them, something happens. All of a sudden, they see dad LOL. They realize he is the fun one, the funniest, the one that will go to the park with them any day, any time and will stay up playing with them for hours. He is the one who will never say no to anything no matter how tired or how hard his day was. We then become equal again in our babies eyes and I am no longer always their number one choice. Damian and I joke around and say they come to realize that I was just the food supplier. In all honesty, I am blessed to have such a great husband He has never let me walk the motherhood journey alone. Always available, always willing to hold, to play, to talk, to cuddle, and to comfort them. It is so cute to see my little ones over the years know which qualities each of us has to offer them.

Although, I know a part of me was being selfish and silly in wanting to keep that exclusive bond until he was 18, I know it will always be there. Just differently now. I, as a mom have to accept my babies will grow up and that it’s part of life. Even though now, I am the comforting parent who isn’t as fun or cool, I hope he looks back and remembers my arms and kisses never failed to hug and love him. Here is to signing off on a great breastfeeding journey. Until next time.