Csy-Lux

Hi friends ❤️ I have been in my feels the past few days because my most little one turns 2 today.. I honestly can’t believe it. Time has gone by so incredibly fast and it would be so nice if it could just slow down for a bit. Lately, I have been asked by a few close friends to share my birth stories and I thought what better time to do it than now that I am an emotional canvas?  I am going to share my 3 very different birth stories with you but beforehand I want to say they are my own experiences, my own feelings, my own births. I am big on believing that we all birth our own ways (It is not a one size fits all), and all journeys are special no matter the way the baby was brought to life. Giving birth is so sacred to me because it’s not just the new life of a baby coming in to this world but to me it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. It is a new story being written. My body goes through so much at time of giving birth that in a way I feel like a new version of myself is being born as well. It is a time of change, a time of finding myself, a feeling of feeling alive and a time of empowerment. Never have I felt the strongest than when I am physically pushing my children out.    

Julieta:  

This birth is probably going to have a lot of people shocked at what a Party it turned out to be. I wish I could tell you that I looked perfect and that my makeup and hair was done and that I have pictures to remember how glamorous it was but this was the longest, most raw birth I have ever been through. Instead, I have beautiful candid pictures of me with a messy bun, no makeup, sweating and looking like I am half alive and half passed out.  I was alot younger than I am now and to be honest I had no idea what to expect during labor. I don’t even think I had ever known that kind of pain in my life before. This was also my longest time in labor and I did it naturally with no meds or epidural. I started going in to labor in the early morning of Saturday April 11. We arrived at the hospital with Damian and my mom at around 3 am and did not deliver her until around 9:35 pm that night. For almost 18 hours, I did not sit down once. Sitting down in the bed killed me. It absolutely made me want to die from pain. I could not control the pain and did not know how to mentally manage it. I walked those Sierra Vista hospital halls all morning, all day and I held Damian’s hand as I got contraction after contraction. At one point, I felt like my feet were literally going to fall off. The nurses kept asking me if I was tired from walking so much. I walked one of the nurses entire shift. The first few hours of the day were long and dark as the sun took its time coming out and the hours went by so slowly. I could not eat and my hair which had been previously washed the night before I headed in was simply up in a bun. Frizzy, untangled and unconditioned. I remember my phone blowing up all day with friends, and people asking for an update but my hands were shaking so much and I was in so much pain that I could not respond. I remember my mom trying to help me through the pain and Damian trying to massage my back but I could not take them touching me because the pain was too intense. I remember my Godmother walked in sometime that morning and brought everyone breakfast (which I couldn’t eat anyways), my sister and my best friend Alex were hanging out in the room throughout the day walking around drinking their Starbucks Frappuccino’s,  and the day was HOT. I was a sweaty mess. I was a hungry mess. I was a girl who was waiting for a finish line soon.

Welcoming my First born

Finally, after all day of walking around and not dying. It was time. I think I remember the nurse practically having to beg me to get on the bed so they could check how dilated I was because I did not want go sit and give myself time to feel the pain. Let me tell you who was surrounding my delivery bed to welcome Julieta in to the world. Damian, my mom, my sister, and my best friend were gathered around the hospital bed. My father in law was waiting on the side of the bed closed off by a curtain and when I was pushing my best friend Maribel was calling the hospital room phone attached to the wall next to my pillow. We let it ring right? No, someone answered it. I think my sister did. So everyone is telling me to push, I am so tired. My body is tired from walking and because I can’t control my pushes and someone is announcing my best friend is on the phone asking for an update. The doctor asked whoever answered it to tell them to call back LOL. I could hear them hang it back up on the wall. Finally after pushing for about 20 minutes, my baby girl came. She was small, smelled sooo good and she was the most gorgeous, softest baby I have ever seen in my life and she was ours ❤️ . I can still remember the doctor handing Damian the scissors to cut Julietas’ umbilical cord and it seems like just yesterday that it happened, but Damian himself was so young. He was only 25. The way my daughter looked at me those minutes after birth changed my life. The way she looked at me knowing I was her moth, was a feeling I will never forget.  I would probably now do it all over again 100 times just to feel that feeling again. The next few hours were the best and to this day the following hours after delivering a baby are my favorite. The adrenaline, the pain, the tiredness just seems to wear off and it becomes magically silent. From the moment they put my daughter on my breast to breastfeed, I knew I was meant to be a mom. I remember afterward looking out the window and seeing the night sky just GLOW. I have no idea what happened with everyone in the room but I do remember that I was starving and my sister and Alex went out to get me Woodstock pizza for dinner. And yes, I ate it all. You know how they say that some memories will stay with you for the rest of your life. One of mine is of my dad later that night. He had not come by during the day, but he had finished working that night and I heard a knock on the door. In he walked in with the biggest smile on his face. He was carrying the most beautiful, perfect porcelain doll I have ever seen. Long curls, long dress, big beautiful eyes. It was a gift to Julieta for her birth day and it was the best ending to my night. This was the best night of my life.  

Fatima

Fast forward almost 6 years later and we are like first time parents again ready to welcome our second little girl. Our wild child. She came in to the world just as she still sweeps me off my feet all the time. Like I said, with Fatima we waited so long to have her that it felt like we were doing everything for the first time all over again. I had this big fear of labor and pain that I think I blocked the idea of delivery from my head the whole last trimester.  That Saturday, we headed out to the hospital at around 3: 30 am (This time around it was just Damian and I) on the morning on August 8th of 2016. The pain was intense and my mind and body were definitely not feeling connected. I had no birth plan, I was running a fever and I was needing to throw up from the pain. I remember I arrived at the hospital crying and asking to throw up. I was scared this time around. The nurses asked me if I wanted to have the baby natural or receive an epidural and I replied with,” I don’t know. I am not sure” They explained to me that I would just have to let them know within a reasonable amount of time so they could get someone upstairs to me on time. I think I wasn’t too dilated but the contractions were coming steady. If I could go back and make a birth plan, be more prepared for this birth I would. Not so that it would be any more special because it was still so special but so that I would be more at calm and not fear something that our bodies are naturally made to do. Birthing is so beautiful. Not even an hour went by when I asked one of the nurses for an epidural. I didn’t even sound convinced. I think she had to ask me twice.  I had to wait about 30 minutes for someone to be available to administer the epidural. I was panicking, waiting anxiously. Finally, the epidural was administered, and I am sad to say it but I regretted getting the epidural a few hours later. I laid in bed and was watching tv thinking to myself how I didn’t even try to make it through labor naturally. Didn’t even try at all. My emotions and my fear of pain this time took over my mind. I breathed and thought “It is ok, your baby is still going to get here when it is her time, and she will be healthy. You will have another birth where you will be more prepared”. This fear of pain this time was similar to the fear of being next on a roller coaster. I have been on roller coasters already strapped in, to the point where it is moving slowly, and I stop the entire ride to get off. A couple hours went by and come noon I was feeling the urge to push. “I think it’s time” I told Damian as I started to call the nurse. In walks the nurse and she asks me if I can wait because the midwife is running late. I told her I had to push and she told me she would be delivering the baby herself since the midwife hadn’t arrived.  3 big quiet pushes and the second most beautiful baby ever was born. My Fatima. Damian and I cried together as we held our newborn daughter and she was then placed on my chest for skin to skin contact before breastfeeding. Every single worry again, every single doubt, the smallest things I over thought during labor. GONE. All gone. None of it mattered anymore because a little part of our family was here with us now. The nurse who came on to the next shift loved coming into our room because her grandmothers name was Fatima back in Portugal and it had been years since she had heard it again. Throughout the day, family came and went, and my baby met some of the most important people in her life. That became the second most important day of my life. 

Damian II

OK, are you ready? This one is more fast paced.
I vividly remember everything about this morning I gave birth. I remember all my births very detailed but this one is just so fresh I could close my eyes and see and smell everything. When I say I did my homework to be prepared for birth. I did it. I did it all. I was prepared. I could have delivered the baby on my own! LOL. But he was late and I was dying to meet him. Months away from giving birth I knew that I wanted to have him natural, no meds again. I knew I wanted no epidural again. If my body could do it once, I knew it could do it again. I started to read articles to get that self-confidence I needed. I saw you tube videos on meditation, breathing, techniques to help me overcome the pain on my own. I learned to breath, I learned to control my mind and I learned ways to control the pain without feeling the pain. I practiced affirmations. I also was very lucky to have a good friend of mine also giving birth around the same time I was who was also wanting a natural birth. It was nice to know that I had encouragement from her and that if she was able to do it again so was I. Damian and my mom were big supporters of me wanting do birth naturally again. Can you believe my mom birthed all 6 of us without any epidural or medications? I had a killer playlist (all reguetton music because reguetton makes you happy, and it’s an instant mood booster). I was ready. A few days before going in to labor I had gone in to the hospital with really bad Braxton hick contractions. I really thought it was time even though I could talk through my contractions and technically you almost shouldn’t be able to when it’s the real deal. I called my parents, we headed out to the hospital and as soon as we parked the contractions went away. We still went inside and checked in just to make sure it really was a false alarm. We stayed for about 3 hours and they finally let me go home since my labor didn’t progress. I had to call my family and tell them it was a false alarm. They wouldn’t have been able to come anyways or even my mom due to COVID restrictions. 2 days later, I was already past my due date. It was a Thursday and I was at my last check up. My doctor programed for me to go into the hospital a few days later on the following Monday to be induced because they don’t want me to go too many days without delivering. The next day, I went on a very long walk. I walked from our home to my mother in laws home. 3 miles. I jogged in short distances. I got back home and took the longest bath ever and went to bed. My body was so tired. I didn’t think anything would be able to wake me up. Come 3:10 am I started to feel small contractions. I tried to sleep through them and I had already mentioned to Damian I was having more Braxton hick contractions but that I was too tired to get up. 3:45 am came and they started to get stronger, I couldn’t sleep through them anymore. I knew it was TIME. They were coming in stronger and more frequently. I got up, woke the kids, and headed out the door. We still went further into town and dropped them off at my in laws and we headed to the hospital 20 minutes away. They were coming right after another that I didn’t even have time to call my parents. I remember we were at a stop light and the light wouldn’t turn green but no one else was waiting. Damian turned on my reguetton birthing playlist and put the volume up. LOL . I remember clearly asking him to put the music down and he replied, “No, you told me you wanted me to blast it to hype you up for delivery” It was then when I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry with him. We got to the hospital and it was then like 4:36 am. I got off at the front of the hospital since they had to COVID test me at the door while Damian parked. I was instructed to go check in at the emergency service desk but I couldn’t speak anymore. All I could do was breathe. I let the lady know that I was couldn’t continue and Damian had to take over with checking me in which because of COVID they did not have pre-registration available sooner. I am going to write another blog post on going through a pregnancy during COVID pandemic because it was one of the craziest things I have gone through in my life. The nurses came to take me away with a wheelchair and I told her I could not sit due to the pain. I asked the nurse if I could walk, and she said unfortunately not in case I fell. I remember her face when I told her I had to push already and couldn’t sit. She asked me if it was my first and I replied with, “It’s my third” and her whole face changed and she said, “Oh crap”, and called for more nurses who came in so fast pushing in a rolling bed for me. I remember just staring at the wall and then telling them I needed to push right there in the lobby. They pretty much ran from the emergency room to the delivery room with me. Damian had stayed behind still checking me in holding my id and my insurance card in his hand. I was taken into the delivery room, and I could see about 5 nurses turning on lights, getting me on the delivery bed, getting medical tools out, calling the doctor. Damian arrived a few minutes later and so many wonderful nurses surrounded me and one of them said, “We’re going to try to wait until doctor gets here but we don’t know how long we can”. Everything was so surreal. It was so silent and so beautiful .Damian held my hand as one of the nurses massaged my back to take off pain pressure off it. I laid in bed and with every contraction I thought of the affirmations my coworker would tell me when I was in doubt. She would tell me, “Our bodies are meant to do this. We are incredible, God made our bodies to do this” That was my magical line that I kept repeating over sometimes out loud sometimes under my breath. Another line that I kept repeating was, “ Mind over Matter”. That one did wonders for me too. There came a point where I was able to mentally block the pain and I no longer felt pain even though the contractions were strong. I laugh now but at that time the nurse who was massaging my lower back and was putting pressure on it stepped away and I asked Damian to do it. I could feel him nervously shaking and he was being so gentle that I told him to stop and called the nurse over and I asked her if she could please continue to do more of those lower back massages. They were all so kind to me and they were just so encouraging to me and telling me what a good job I was doing. I know it is just part of their job but I really felt like they were making me push forward to get through my contractions naturally. Damian kept telling me how proud he was of me for being so tough and calm. He kept telling me how we were so close to seeing our baby. Anytime a contraction came along, the nurse and Damian would also count down with me and hold my hands while I breathed it out. At my most painful and longest contraction ever, I looked at the nurse and I asked her for anything she could give me and she told me it was too late. She said, “You have done it, you made it. You did it. It’s time, I can see the baby crowning and I can see his head”. Less than 20 minutes of me being at the hospital, I let them know I needed to push already again. I think my doctor walked in right on time. Once again, 3 big, quiet pushes and my baby boy was in my arms. I was so tired from mentally getting through the contractions, from holding on to Damians hand so tightly, from breathing slowly that I remember I asked the nurse if I could rest when she tried to deliver my placenta. She laughed and told me to trust her and that I would feel way better after it was out. As I looked down at my naked little baby on my chest, I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was. The 3rd best day of my life had just taken place. Post delivery at hospital was a little different this time. Only 1 person was allowed to come visit which was my mom ❤️ Yet, at the same time, it was the perfect amount of silence we needed to just enjoy our new family member ❤️

At my 6 week post check up with my last pregnancy my doctor told me that my births were getting way faster. He told me that when I had my 4th baby in the future I didn’t even have to call ahead or try to labor at home at all. He just wants me to drive to the hospital or I will be having that baby on the road. I don’t know why but there is something I love so much about giving birth. I love the process from start to end of delivery. I love the post-partum part of it as well. I love that us women have been doing it since the beginning of time and are still doing it. There is something so cool about our bodies and the way they go through all that to birth a tiny human. We do that! Weather it is vaginal or C section our bodies go through it and it’s TOUGH WORK. I still can’t even believe that for moments of my contractions I was able to block the pain! I read about it and I practiced my breathing but it was so magical to feel it happen. All 3 of my births have been so different, and in different stages of my life but they have all given me the same feeling of accomplishment. I love and appreciate my body so much for it does, and I respect it so much more now. I take good care of it because I want to be the best home it can be for my next baby. I plan on having a natural birth again for my next pregnancy and I also plan on not knowing the gender of my baby until the moment we meet.

This story has yet to be continued ❤️

-Csy